Conflict, conflict, conflict

When I first think about conflict, I have to admit I kind of cringe. Then again, I'm happy to be a helping hand when it doesn't involve me directly. I try to avoid conflict a lot of times in my life, especially when I think about conflict at home or in the workplace. Wouldn't it just be great if we could all live happily ever after and never argue? Well, unfortunately this isn't quite a reality for us just yet. In the meantime I suppose we ought to overcome our differences and resolve these conflicts as clean as we can. I think without conflict our lives would be a bit boring actually. The fact that we all think differently is what makes us unique and ultimately a valuable part of our community. It's great that there are simple ways to resolve conflict that help us to collaborate and come to solutions we wouldn't have otherwise. Being able to express our innermost feelings through conflict actually bonds us closer together in many situations. When I think about conflict in my life, it mostly consists of minute interactions with my roommates over petty communal housing type things. Luckily most of these issues are solved quick and painlessly with a friendly reminder. I believe the way one delivers such criticism is crucial because it steers the way the receiver will accept it. If I choose to say a sly under-my-breath remark about Emma not doing her dishes then she will most likely get defensive and be less accepting of her actions. Instead, if I ask Emma nicely to help me clean up the kitchen, she will do her part in taking care of her mess and we both will go on happily throughout our day. This helps open up communication between us as roommates and allows for further conversation when we are feeling upset. Now when I do something that bothers Emma, which will likely happen, she is more inclined to tell me in a positively framed way. A way that offers solutions to these issues and promotes collaboration, rather than posing it in a negative way. Talking it out and defining what need it is that isn't being met is a powerful thing. With clear communication everyones needs can be properly assessed and then adjustments can be made to best meet everyones needs. When this type of space is reached I no longer cringe at the thought of conflict, instead I see it as another opportunity for growth. I think that I can always use a little constructive criticism in my life, after all I am an amiable who just wants to make everyone else happy! Approaching conflict in this manner can definitely benefit everyone involved, whether that be a workplace, home, or friend group.

Empathy in a changing world

It's easy to often think about how different we are from one another. How we look, act, speak, and express ourselves can differ greatly. There are so many cultures mixing together and living amongst each other like never before. It's basic to see the differences between us, but then what about the similarities? I believe it's in our human nature to compete against one another, whether we are doing it subconsciously or not. This makes it terribly hard to see others for what they truly are, the same as ourselves. Instead we like to point out what it is we don't like about them, and draw on negative energy that perhaps in turn makes us feel better about ourselves. In my opinion, this feels morally wrong, and I try to avoid my judgements as much as I can but of course nobody is perfect.

When I encounter an argument I simply ask myself, where is this person coming from? I know that their anger or frustration is most likely not a direct result of our interaction, but manifesting from a different experience they had. I understand this process because it's what I do at times too. I can see how our lives are actually much more similar than I had once thought. When it comes down to it we all pretty much want the same thing in this life, happiness, love, and peace. When we can start to realize that we can start to have compassion for one another; we can start to have empathy.

I've heard many times from many people that if I want to see this world change, than you have to be the spark. "Be the change you want to see in the world!" Easier said than done right? Well, maybe not so much. Empathy could be the answer. Empathy is described by Eisenberg as a mirroring or vicarious experience of another's emotions, whether they be sorrow or joy. When we have empathy for one another, we can actually help alleviate their pain and suffering. And since as the Buddha said, "life is suffering" shouldn't we try to help replace that suffering with the things we actually want like happiness, love, and peace? By placing myself in another's shoes I can start to analyze why they may be acting in a certain way and be able to help them through that instead of putting up a guard and making it worse.

Of course its hard to say, "be compassionate all the time", because that is simply impossible. What I am saying is that the harder we try day in and day out to recognize the other side of the story, then empathy will follow naturally. As seen in a study by Goetz on Empathy she notes that,

"empathy (which can lead to compassion) has evolved to support prosocial behavior towards those who are genetically close to us. He also argues that by using familial symbolism, religion encourages us to expand our prosocial acts to a larger group."

When looking to the future, I see the importance of empathy and compassion not only towards humans but to our entire Earth and all that we can know. in our world if we want to co-exist we will need to embrace these traits. 

Eisenberg, N. (2002). Empathy-related emotional responses, altruism, and their socialization. In R. J. Davidson & A. Harrington (Eds.), Visions of compassion: Western scientists and Tibetan Buddhists examine human nature (pp. 131-164). London: Oxford University Press.

Goetz, J. (2004). Compassion and Empathy Research. Greater Good: The Science of a Meaningful Life. Retrieved on 2/8/14 from, http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/compassion_an_annotated_bibliography/

numero uno

When I first moved to Washington I realized something about the people I was living and interacting with on a daily basis. I had noticed that certain people in this new place reminded me of old friends I had grown up with in Minnesota. I came to this realization that people fit into archetypes, which at first scared me because I had liked to think that we were all somehow "unique snowflakes". Now there is some truth to that age old quote, in fact there is no one other person that is exactly like me. Although, I believe we all fall into a subgroup, which can be easily defined by our behaviors. More importantly, these behaviors are not simply measurable by themselves, but rather need to be in context with their environment around them.


 When I was working at camp this summer we had a training in color communication. It was supposed to help us better understand the other people we will be working with and the participants we will be teaching. It was similar in the fact that it placed people in four basic categories. These four "primary" colors are defined extremely similar to Bolton's four main people styles. Analyticals, Amiables, Expressives, and Drivers all are explained as different colors and how they react to the other colors or people styles. I found it interesting that in color communication they also incorporated "secondary" colors to better hone in on your individual style. I liked the provoked visual of having your own place among the endless color spectrum. This correlates with Bolton's theory of backup styles, showing the complexity of people's behavior with one another. I believe both Bolton's Theory and the Color Communication theory play on similar aspects of behavior and in society.


 I also looked into the Myers Briggs Type Indicator, which showed another similar theory, but even more complex and pointed. At the basis of these studies I believe they are all showing a common message. By understanding how we operate and especially how we operate in groups can only help us succeed in our endeavors.

Since learning about Color Communication this summer and now reading Bolton's Theory I have started to see these things playing out in my life. I hope to better recognize the styles of people I am working with and how I can best use my specific gifts to help the individuals succeed as a whole.


 Miscisin, M. (2010). True Communication With True Colors. Self Growth. Retrieved on January 23, 2015, from http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/true_communication_with_true_colors.

 Pearman, R. (2014). Myers Briggs Test. Personality Pathways. Retrieved on January 23, 2015, from  http://www.personalitypathways.com/type_inventory.html.